Don't Die a Stupid Death: Part II

The first dish I made after moving into my apartment in hilly was some sort f pasta. I remember because upon draining the pasta the resultant steam set off my smoke alarm. I made a note to self that the smoke alarm was ultra sensitive.

Shortly thereafter I attempted to bake something in the oven. Upon turning on the oven to preheat, again the smoke alarm went off. This would not do. So I solved my problem by installing a curtain between my kitchen and the hallway where the smoke alarm resides.

This all worked well until this past weekend. I try to resist turning on the heat for as long as possible because gas heat in Philly is wicked expensive. A problem that is exacerbated by living in a house that is 100+ years old and poorly insulated. But Sunday morning I reach my limit and decided to switch on the heat. A few minutes after the heat started flowing my super sensitive smoke alarm sounded again. I followed my usual drill of fanning the alarm with a cookie sheet since my alarm is located out of reach near my high ceiling. This time, my trick failed however. Thinking the alarm might have been caused by the burn off you get upon first turning on the heat I switched the heat off. And waited, and waited. “Fine, sound all you want,” I thought, “it’s got to stop eventually.” I tried to go about getting ready for church while the alarm wailed, but started to wonder, what would I do? Let it blare for hours while I was away at church?

Finally I called my landlord in desperation. I explained that the alarm would not stop and I didn’t know what to do. He instructed me to open a window immediately. You see, my smoke alarm is also a carbon monoxide detector. Say what? Gas heaters can make CO? How had I missed this in school? He told me to crank the heat up after opening some windows, then call him back.

After hanging up I cracked the kitchen window open and the alarm stopped immediately. Hmmm, should I feel relieved or alarmed? Next I turned the heat back on. Sure enough, within a few minutes the alarm was sounding again. So, I opened more windows and I googled gas heat and CO.

CO is produced as the result of incomplete combustion, which I knew, what I foolishly never realized is that when a gas heater doesn’t get enough O2, it makes CO. Oh. Gas ovens can produce CO too if not properly ventilated. Ooooh. So this is why my oven sets off the smoke alarm. I then realized that for the past three years, every time I pulled the kitchen curtain so I could bake I was trapping myself in with the CO. Brilliant. This is the sort of thing that inspired my former coworkers to nickname me ‘genius’.

The story ended with my landlord coming by to change the filter on my heater so proper air flow could be restored. And me resolving to crack a window when I turn on the oven. And me thanking Jesus for keeping me alive these past 3 years.